April 2012
10 posts
2 tags
Fez is the Moment Before
You know, I knew nothing of Fez until it came out. I didn’t know anything about its delays, or the manufactured controversy around creator Phil Fish’s statements regarding the state of Japanese gaming. He was right, you know. Japanese gaming sucks now. It’s sucked for a long time. But people just cling to what they know and what they love and they get so pissed when someone...
8 tags
NeoGAF: The Message Board
If you’re a video gamer, NeoGAF is the single most amazing message board on the entire internet. Industry peeps post there under pseudonyms and sometimes will listen to the waves of popular sentiment on the boards and tweak their games because of it. All kinds of game journalist guys go there and read and talk and just act so awesome. Adding to the allure of NeoGAF is its bafflingly...
6 tags
Playing Fez Correctly
I really enjoy Fez, and I enjoy it because I feel like I don’t wholly understand what is happening while I’m playing it. It’s not that the game is confusing or poorly designed that makes my understanding fall short, instead it’s that the game is designed to be purposefully vague. It wants you to find your own way rather than hold your hand and lead you along. That’s...
5 tags
Self Congratulations
Nice work, me, on not abandoning this blog after four posts. You, I mean, I, should be very proud of you/myself. This is too confusing. I can’t explain what it’s like to have something so pointless and self-indulgent last for relatively so long. Sometimes I like to go back and read my old posts on my old blogs. “Haha, nice work!” I will think to myself as I read something...
“You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to...”
– Mitch Hedberg
5 tags
9 tags
Shoot Like a Pro
If you want people to see you holding your camera and think to themselves “That is a fucking dude who shoots fucking photos,” you need to fucking streeeettttttcccchhh that body out. Put one leg out in front of you. Cock it. Half-kneel, now throw that back one way out. Feel the stretch. Now do a backwards lean. You should feel the burn in your core. Snap, snap, snap! Get that shot....
9 tags
March 2012
12 posts
13 tags
Please Read my Shit
When I write stuff, I don’t exactly pour out my heart and soul. This tumblr exists only so I can further my street cred with the kids and also so I can maintain a healthy routine of train-of-thought writing. If something super clever comes into my brain and it’s more than 140 characters, I start shitting the words out of my finger-butts right here. This is not my most polished work,...
8 tags
Soccer = Moccer
Soccer is the perfect sport for people who aren’t really into sports to pretend to be into. I know, I know, lots of people in America are all about the soccer. They throw some soccer related shit into their social network feeds every once in a while just to remind you that they like soccer. When the world cup or whatever rolls around every uh… however often that is, they go crazy. They...
6 tags
Disgusting Anti-Olive Sentiment Rears its Ugly...
In ancient Greece, the olive was the most important of all fruits. Athena, the goddess of wisdom, gave man olives when her supernatural tear struck the Earth and from that spot arose the olive tree. A tree that bore fruit that could be eaten and from which oil could be extracted. The city Athens is so named because Athena’s gift of the olive won her the favor of the inhabitants and in...
1 tag
Shelf Edition: Prologue
The shelves look nice, too bad I put a screw through the wire that feeds the lights in my bathroom. Thankfully I was an electrician or else I’d be paying through the nose for this repair. Unthankfully I hate having to do unnecessary work. You can see the pickle I’m in.
5 tags
Big Bang Theory Angers Me
I guess one of the biggest shows on television right now is The Big Bang Theory, about a group of nerd stereotypes as imagined by popular rich kids who studied writing at Harvard. It’s also in syndication and I’ve caught a few episodes and it really lacks humor. I don’t mean “it isn’t funny,” I mean, literally, it lacks humor. There aren’t any jokes....
6 tags
Shelf Edition
Just got done hanging some shelves in my bedroom. They are so crazy level. The shelving is really shallow, though, which is the WORST. We’ve all been there. I can’t complain, though, because I got the shelves from a house that’s being remodeled. Total monetary cost to me: $0. That’s free, fools. Except for opportunity cost, which is the economic concept of the cost of the...
6 tags
Stop Being Dumb: Video Game Edition
The new iPod 3 has been appearing all over the mlogblojnirsphere and the MSM (which stands for “Meritorious Service Medal if you served in the USAF, as I did) with crazy headlines like “NEXT GAMING SYSTEM WILL FUCK YOUR FACE?!?” and “iPad 3 is Three Times as Much Pad.” The dumbest headlines and stories are the ones that flaunt the iPad 3’s memory in comparison...
5 tags
Stop Sounding Dumb When You Try to Sound Smart!
Here is a tutorial to help you stop sounding dumb. Observe the following sentence:
“That pizza is for John and I.”
Sounds good, huh? Everyone knows you don’t say “me and John,” you say “John and I.” Saying “me and John” makes you sound like a total cretin! But in the case above, you sound like a total douche who think’s they’re...
