Self-identifying as such is not the only requirement for being a nerd. Lots of hot chicks see it as a good way to perhaps lift up their careers in modeling or whatever. Like, “I’m pretty, but not really really pretty, so I need an angle. I know! My brother had a NES I played one time. Nrrrrrrrrddddd grrrrrrrllllll lulz.” Boom. Huge contract with G4 and a chance to sleep with a higher class of entertainment industry scumbag. Many girls in Hollywood have tough choices to make when it seems like their careers are going nowhere. Calling home and admitting failure is so hard. Just the worst thing. So instead the choice is either pretend to be a nerd and get some attention or just head straight to Van Nuys and do porn.
It’s not just reasonably attractive yet tantalizingly accessible girls who pretend to be a nerd. Everyone does it. Yet so few people are actual, true nerds. You can be nerdy about stuff, that’s totally fine. I’m nerdy for lots of things like video games and fantasy stuff and tabletop furshlugginer and computer potzrebie. I’m not really a nerd, though. I’m just a guy who is enthusiastic about many nerdy things. But I’m a people person and I’m not very annoying to talk to. OK, let me explain that. You see, true nerds are extremely awkward. Some of them are painfully aware while others, blissfully ignorant. Here’s a quick test. Have you ever said something to another human while not looking them in the eye and also holding your pointer finger up, like you’re pointing at an imaginary thought balloon that is hovering over your head? If you have, you are probably a true nerd, but chances are you wouldn’t be reading this to begin with. True nerds are over-dubbing their angry video game YouTube videos, or on some forum one-upping each other’s insane exclamation on some collection of random thoughts strung together in a way that is pleasing to nerds. Like “OK, I would like to play a 3.5 version of D&D when technology is powerful enough that I can don a haptic suit and feel every hit.” “Oh yes, but instead of the 3.5 world I would set it in the Shin Megami Tensei universe!” “lol yes with the difficulty of Demon Souls” “lol lol you are insane!” Then the whole board just devolves into more of that, with many more lols.
Why would anyone proudly proclaim nerdity when they just have nerdy tendencies is beyond me. It’s like when people claim they’re Italian because their great-great-great grandparents immigrated from Sicily in 1890. “Eh, fazoole, I talk with my hands what cause of I’m being Italian and shit,” is what they say to their friends they work with in a remote suburb of a middle-sized American city.
Liking, or pretending to like, the following things does not automatically make you a nerd:
- Table top RPGs
- Video games
- Star Wars
Why not? Because everyone likes those things. You aren’t special. If you want to see real, true to God nerds, go watch “The Dungeon Masters.” Those people are sweet, harmless, somewhat pitiable nerds. You are probably not.
